Hereford League Match Report

The Time 7:35 pm
The Place: Whitecross Club
The Event: Wigginites v Hfd Dox

This was a fairly one-sided match with the highly fancied Hereford Dox team fielding a full strength and distinctly bandit-laden side against a Wigginites team heavily affected by both illness and apathy.
In the first match of the night the promising and greatly improved youngster Patrick (Paddy) Lewis found himself up against the ageing whippet Mark Helme. Despite the far superior shot making ability of Lewis the dogged dull determination of Helme kept dragging the game down to his mere retrieving game level. As it was, Helme was lucky to scrape through with a 3 - 0 win.
Meanwhile the bearded genius Trevor (Corporal) Jones was battling against the lethargic, slow Andrew Heal. Another titanic struggle was taking place with rallies of up to 5 shots taking their toll on the older man. Time after time Jones retrieved only to find Heal in the right place to mis-hit a winner. Once more the Dox shave a 3 - 0 win.
The second match on court 5 promised to be an exhibition of athleticism with Wigginites ageing lothario Brian (Wayward) Hayward-Hughes looking in the shape of his life against the blatantly out of condition Rob Davies. During the first exchanges it looked as if the well known debauched lifestyle of Davies would take its toll, but he somehow managed to keep it together against the supremely conditioned Hayward-Hughes for long enough to narrowly edge the match 3 - 0.
The final match once again looked to be a classic with the unconventional, idiosyncratic sometimes unbelievable play of Colin (Colin) Powell pitched against the cold calculating psychiatrist Peter Allman. Despite Colin thinking that he had won, Allman maintained his legendary coolness on the court to complete a totally undeserved whitewash of the fabulous Wigginites.

Editors note: Following similar reports of such luck in other matches the committee is debating ruling on whether the Dox may continue to use wooden rackets or whether their use constitutes an unfair advantage. More news as it comes in!!